Five worst video game heroes

Games allow us to escape reality, enter another world and take on the role of someone else, usually someone significantly cooler.

But some games have protagonists that are so obnoxious, we get more satisfaction when the bad guys win. Here are my personal five good guys that leave me rooting for the bad guys:

  1. Dave Miller (Maniac Mansion)

The old adventure game casts Dave as the main character and the player has to choose two friends with different skills to accompany him on a mission to rescue his girlfriend from a mansion.

The problem is, Dave has no skills whatsoever and he’s the only character you’re FORCED to play as. Rather annoying , indeed.

Besides, if you can find a way to knock off his character (It’s next to impossible to die in Maniac Mansion unless you’re actually trying) you get one of the variations of the ending!

  1. Lara Croft (Tomb Raider)

Sure, she’s got some sweet moves, can handle two pistols and has a large bosom but while she’s portrayed as empowered female, she’s really a thief and a murderer.

At least in the Grand Theft Auto series, the main characters make no denials about being criminals and on top of that, usually have seemingly valid motivations, like taking down worse crooks or corrupt cops.

Croft on the other hand is about getting the bounty, taking down any guards in her way or animals that happen to be in their natural habitat.

Along with the complete lack of morals, she’s also a sell-out, shilling for shoes and other companies.

  1. Tidus (Final Fantasy X)

In a long-running game series aimed at unabashed geeks, why on earth would SquareEnix leave the fate of the world up to a pretty-boy jock whose IQ level is on par with a potato?

He’s not the first, nor last obnoxious blond male protagonist in the series (Cloud from VII and Vaan from XII both come to mind) but he manages to take the traits that ruined those characters to a new level.

The tenth installment of series is one that truly needed the RPG party system since it’s doubtful Titus could get by on his own.

Plus he gets involved with the equally annoying Yuna, adding even more cheese to the game and spawning a direct sequel to the game that’s best not spoken of.

  1. Raiden (Metal Gear Solid 2)

Far too obvious of a choice, but Raiden could not be left out.

First of all, he isn’t Snake, even though Metal Gear Solid 2 did everything they could to make you think you’d be playing as Snake. Then, there’s the fact that he talks like a big-shot combat veteran, even though this is his first live mission.

He does cartwheels instead of a defensive roll and…what is up with the wig? At least Snake’s mullet is honest.

Oh, and he’s defenseless once he gets to the standard “hero gets captured” part of MGS2 since he needs to use one hand to hide his junk. At least Snake has the good sense to leave his pants on when being tortured.

Finally, as a character, he’s almost as much of a wuss as Otocon!

Even the game designers realized how obnoxious Raiden was, since Major Raikov in Metal Gear Solid 3 seemed to have been created for the sole purpose of making fun of the guy.

(Plus, there’s even more Raiden abuse in the bonus movies in Metal Gear 3 Subsistence)

  1. Link (The Legend of Zelda)

It’s not because of the dorky elf outfit. It’s not that he can only put up a decent fight when he’s at full health, no. Link gets the top spot because he doesn’t know when to say “Enough is enough!”

This Princess Zelda character he’s on a perpetual mission to rescue seems more like a histrionic attention-seeker considering how often she gets kidnapped by the same baddie.

Seriously Link, if I kept having to go to the underworld to rescue my girlfriend, I’d say it’s time to find a new girl already. She’s clearly more interested in Gannon, considering how much more time she spends with him.

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